Worst Films I’ve Seen In 2016

I cannot believe that it is almost the end of the year already, and yet somehow, I cannot wait for it to end. With all the deaths, political fails and other massive misfortunes, I thought it would be quite fitting to start off with the worst films that I saw in 2016 before I proceed with the best. Bear in mind, I did not see every film this year and if any of these choices offend you in some way, it probably means you’re more unfortunate than I am. No Adam Sandler affiliated films on my list.

Anyway, here are the worst films that I’ve seen (in no particular order). BEWARE OF SPOILERS and COURSE LANGUAGE. Now bear in mind, the films on the list are disappointments as well as travesties.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: Skiptrace, Kickboxer: Vengeance, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, My Beloved Bodyguard, The Magnificent Nine, Thanatos Drunk, Time Raiders

1. ME BEFORE YOU

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Quite possibly the most morally repugnant and most infuriating film of the year. Emilia Clarke gives the most annoying performance which makes you question whether she is the disabled one, not Sam Clafin. And the horrific ending.

The disabled were right, the film is downright offensive in its portrayal of the male lead as well as his actions. I mean, despite nurturing parents, a loving girlfriend and stacks of wealth, if you can’t rock out with your cock out, what’s the point of living? Yep, that’s the message of the film, folks. Jeez, I’m starting to get an aneurysm just writing this paragraph.

 

2. SUICIDE SQUAD

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Sloppy, boring, overlong, abrasive, cliched, I can go on about this film. With the wonderful trailers leading up to the film, I was excited but man, the film was a disaster. Inconsistent performances came up more annoying than anything else as well as the incredibly simple plot told in an unnecessary convoluted manner.

Don’t get me started with the plot holes such as excessively applying protective measures on a dangerous artifact and yet placing the other dangerous artifact out in the open as a fucking paperweight. DC? More like BS.

 

3. ASSASSIN’S CREED

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Despite the bad reputation of videogame film adaptations, I actually had hope for Assassin’s Creed. Even though I haven’t played the games, the film had director Justin Kurzel at the helm and with the incredibly overqualified cast (Fassbender! Cotillard! Irons! Gleeson! Rampling! Labed!), I was pulling for it.

But I was let down…into the dark abyss. Incredibly tedious, boring and filled with poor directing/editing choices, Creedy Assassin is another entry in the dungheap, that is the pile of videogame film adaptations.

Read the full review here.

 

4. THE JUNGLE BOOK (2016)

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Quite possibly the most controversial entry on this list. Considering the critical acclaim the film had received, the film just felt so relentlessly average and incredibly boring. The direction and storytelling were all over the place, whether it was the rushed development of the characters, the action and even its tone. Is it a musical? Is it an adventure?

Even a shocking moment involving a character’s death felt laughable since we barely know who that character was before it died. And the scene involving Kaa made me fall asleep. I thought the film would improve on the second viewing but it only just confirmed my thoughts: it’s just another cure for my insomnia.

 

5. GHOSTBUSTERS (2016)

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With all the SJW’s, the sexists and the controversy, I wanted this film to be good. But I found it really disappointing and unfunny most of the time. The plot was so poorly drawn out that it had more potential to be funny than the entire cast. I absolutely loved the cast, but even they are subjected with a poor script and awful attempts at improvisation. Queefing, really? This may be man-splaining but feminism is not male-hating and every male in this film is either a fucking idiot (like Chris Hemsworth), a coward or an asshole.

Which includes the piss-poor so-called villain who is so anonymous that I can’t even remember his name or his motivation. I honestly want a sequel to this film just so that they can try again with the same cast. What a shame.

 

6. THREE

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Hong Kong director Johnnie To is a man whose work I enjoy a lot. Whether it was a crime flick, a rom-com or an action movie, I’m there to watch, and I was anticipating his latest. But man, it was a huge letdown. The majority of its demographic aren’t doctors or cops like in the film, but I’m definitely sure they’re not fucking idiots either.

Incredibly illogical and unbelievable (even for Johnnie To), sloppily executed and downright stupid, I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed. There’s a scene where a robber tries to break his neck to kill himself, but he has the neck brace on. Yes, this actually happens.

Even the supposed highlight action scene in the climax was so badly executed, you can tell that the extras are pretending to act in slow-action instead of being shown acting in slow-motion. And the god-awful CGI (How can we see so much blood and yet the hospital stays so clean?) and green-screen just add to the trainwreck. There’s a scene where we see a patient with a CGI-shaven head. Yep.

 

7. ZOOLANDER 2

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So much celebrity cameos, so little humour. It is mind-boggling to believe that this is the sequel we got with all that time and all that talent involved. What I did not expect from this film is to be annoyed and the hipster character annoyed the living shit out of me. The film literally becomes more watchable when Will Ferrell shows up and kills the fucking hipster.

When that happened, I stood up from my chair and cheered till my throat was sore. So I give the film credit for that, but it was too little, too late. The cast try their best like the film, they just end up dead on arrival.

 

8. THE LEGEND OF TARZAN

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Another jungle movie, another letdown. When the best thing in your movie is Samuel L. Jackson essentially playing himself, you know your film has problems. How the filmmakers sideline Margot Robbie with a damsel-in-distress role (Yes, she is one despite saying she’s not) is just plain stupid.

And stop giving Christoph Waltz roles where he reprises the same damn Hans Landa routine over and over again! The film has flashbacks, referring to the original story and even that is more interesting than the film we have now. Just go back behind the bushes, Tarzan.

Read the full review here.

 

9. A CHINESE ODYSSEY III

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Why do people keep on making sequels and spin-offs to Stephen Chow films that do not have him in it? It’s just a recipe for disaster. Flirting Scholar 2, Forbidden City Cop 2, Shaolin Girl and finally A Chinese Odyssey III just proves my point. Despite being dragged into the cinema by a certain someone to watch this film, I thought it can’t be too bad like his last disaster, Kung Fu Cyborg. Little did I know.

I knew from the first second the film started, I knew I would hate this film. The humour is incredibly unfunny, the actors are completely incapable of extracting humour and Jeff Lau once again squeezes the leftover juice from the classic films he directed to little effect. The delivery of the jokes is so assaultive and insistent that it’s almost as if the filmmakers forgot that jokes were meant to be funny, not just present. And the incredibly dated pop culture references include Avatar and Michael Jackson. Jeez.

Returning actress Karen Mok looks horrified to be there just like Christian Bale was in Terminator Salvation.

 

10. BOUNTY HUNTERS

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What do you expect from a movie when it can’t even live up to the basic expectations of the title? There’s no bounty and the main characters don’t hunt shit. Almost all of the characters are incredibly annoying (save for Fan Siu-wong) and the humour is so goddamn stupid that even infants would cover their eyes in embarrassment. There’s a joke in the film where one of the main characters seduces a maid by pretending to have diarrhea.

We’re supposed to believe that these metrosexuals are Interpol agents. Some of them don’t even look like they can handle the recoil of a gun, much less taking a bullet. And the villain himself. Oh, my God. He is so bad that you can see the make-up line on his face that makes his neck noticeably bare. Hell, my pubic hair has more menace than he does.

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